OMFG THE BROWN ONE HAS ANGRY EYEBROWS
"Yes this is my deer friend. Deer friend is pretty like snow. You hurt deer friend I will hurt you."
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)
Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.
Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.
Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.
Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)
Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.
Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.
Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.
Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.
Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
|—||Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love” (via kanyequeen)|
Just in case you weren’t on the moon last night. This is what earth looked like from the moon’s perspective
Wildlife Natural Wonders moon83:
by Katie Daisy
Katiedaisyart.com // Facebook… via Tumblr
|—||Emily Dickinson (via observando)|
I submit the intro for Hunchback of Notre Dame beats Circle of Life raw.
Especially since the former doesn’t have flocks of pink birds that immediately make me think, “Sure, Disney, you weren’t influenced at all by Osamu Tezuka. Tell us another one.”
This movie was surprisingly hardcore for a Disney retelling of Victor Hugo’s really screwed up story.
It also did a ton of great stuff with God and religion and Catholicism that somehow managed to still be about people and not bring “Why Religion Sucks” into the whole thing, which is aces.
One thing that surprises me is how well the animation has aged. Strangely enough, it looked weird at the time; we weren’t really used to traditional animation blended with computer backgrounds. But now that pretty much everything is computer animated, you can really appreciate how effin’ gorgeous the Cathedral backgrounds are.
Also, God Help the Outcasts is the most honest song featured in a Disney movie. “Honest” meaning it doesn’t feel manufactured specifically to be played in a suburbanite van ferrying kids to McDonalds. It’s raw, open, and genuine.
(Needless to say, there is nothing suburban about Hellfire, ho ho ho. Will we ever again see a Disney villain essentially sing, “Help me Mary, I have an unholy erection?”)
"THIS PICTURE WILL NOT CHANGE THE WORLD, BUT I STILL NEED FEMINISM AND I’M GOING TO REALLY, REALLY TELL YOU WHY":
-Because I got called a whore for wearing a short plaid skirt when I was 10
-and because when Nujood Ali from Yemen was 10 she got divorced
-Because black girls’ names became my classmates’ favorite “joke” when I was 11
-and because when an 11-year-old girl in Texas was raped by 18 men the New York Times wrote of how the girl “dressed older than her age”
-Because I started counting calories when I was 14
-and because when Malala Yousafzai was 14 she was shot in the head for trying to go to school
-Because I heard a boy greet a girl with “hey slut” today at age 16
-and because when a 16-year-old girl in Steubenville, Ohio was filmed being raped by two boys at a party while unconscious the CNN reporters talked about how tragic it was because the rapists had such bright futures as athletes
-Because I will have to watch my drink at all bars and parties when I am 22
-and because when CeCe McDonald was 22 she was sentenced to 41 months in prison for defending herself against a man who screamed transphobic, racist insults at her and then slashed her face with a bottle
-Because no matter what age I am the biggest threat to men will still be heart disease, and the biggest threat to women will still be men.
-Because it is not just about me, because it is not just about anger, because it is not just a JOKE, because it is not just about “hating men,” because it is not just about girls with vaginas, because it is not just about ending “slut”, because it is not just about white straight girls in Rookie magazine, because it is not just about writing on backs, because it is not just about the fact that gay men are “fags” but lesbians are “hot,” because it is not just about pictures of thin white girls being the only google image results for the search phrase “beautiful women”, because it is not just about writing signs, because it is not just about what she was wearing or how many times she said yes before she changed her answer to no, because misogyny is not just about one thing and feminism is not just about one thing and it is not just “a trend” and it will not “happen” in just one way.
-And because yes. It is about equality for EVERYONE, but first and foremost it needs to be about equality for girls, because they are not treated equally to men, in every single sense, and you are not going to take feminism away from me and call me bossy/hostile/aggressive and make this about yourself or make it into a joke, because truth be told, I’m not joking and I’m tired of explaining. If you want to call yourself a feminist, you work hard to spread feminism, you do not turn this into a contest of whose struggle is greater and constantly demand to know what you can get out of feminism personally. Feminism is not just about you, or me, it is about everyone. If you’re male and you’re tired of men being stereotyped as hyper-masculine, soulless, sexist, inherent leader-tyrant creatures, then go out and prove the patriarchy wrong and fight for girls, like someone with a soul who believes in equality would. Then, yes, feminism will be about everyone.
-Sylvie (an amazing grrrl godess)
Photo taken by Caroline http://c-h-0-w.tumblr.com/
- clean bathroom tips
- organize your closet
- how to fix a leaky faucet
- how to keep a clean kitchen
- removing stains from your carpet
- how to coupon
- what to do when you can’t pay your bills
- see if you’re paying too much for your cell phone bill
- how to save money
- How to Balance a Check Book
- How to do Your Own Taxes
- how to take care of yourself when you’re sick
- things to bring to a doctor’s appointment
- what to expect from your first gynecologist appointment
- how to make a doctor’s appointment
- how to pick a health insurance plan
- a list of stress relievers
- how to get free therapy
- what to do if you get pulled over by a cop
- a list of hotlines in a crisis
- things to keep in your car in case of an emergency
- no-more-ramen: easy, quick, simple recipes
- recipes that take 30 minutes or less
- Yummy apple thing
- Brownie in a cup
- Cookie in a cup
- French bread pizza
- Egg tacos
- panera mac n cheese recipe
- different salad recipes
- harry potter recipes
- healthy recipes
- various cookie recipes
- chocolate cupcakes w/ eggless cookie dough topping
- s’mores pie
- nutella hot chocolate
- peanut butter nutella swirl cookies
- cookie in a mug
- starbucks holiday drinks
- fruit leathers
- brownie in a mug
- how to make ramen 1000x better
- eggless cookie dough (not to bake, just to eat)
- make recipes using things you already have
- how to put together a very fancy cheese plate
- make different flavored lemonades
- various desert recipes
- make tiny chocolate chip cookies
- 20 dishes every cook should know
- learn how to make your own tea
- Macaroni and cheese in a mug
- Study snacks (2)
- 40 on-the-go breakfast recipes
- what the hell is a mortgage?
- first apartment essentials checklist
- how to care for cacti and succulents
- the care and keeping of plants
- Getting an apartment
- time management
- create a resume
- find the right career
- how to pick a major
- how to interview for a job
- How to write cover letters
- ULTIMATE PACKING LIST
- Traveling for Cheap
- Travel Accessories
- The Best Way to Pack a Suitcase
- How To Read A Map
- How to Apply For A Passport
- How to Make A Travel Budget
how to be a grown up 101
Art dump part 4
okay story time
so my art teacher assigned us to do a chalk pastel still life of fruits n shit and I was like “no”
so I drew a banana instead.
and my teacher came by like “you need to have more than one fruit in your still life”
so I was like “k”
and so I put that cherry on top of the banana and titled it “Banana Split Without The Ice Cream Because Life Is Full Of Disappointments: By Fall Out Boy" and I turned that shit in.
My art teacher just started laughing out loud in the middle of class
most accurate weather in the world.